Feel the Light
by IndyGirl89
Summary: Elsa has always had trouble sharing her thoughts and emotions. But sooner or later, everyone has their breaking point. An ElsAnna sisterly one-shot set just after the main events of the original film.


**Wow, it's been - gosh, I don't know how long it's been since my last one-shot. I had been so focused on my last multi-chap, "Growing Pains", that I couldn't find time to fit in a one-shot. But then, in between updates for that story, I got inspiration for this one-shot. I've been working on this one for a long time, about a year and half, I think, which is the longest I've spent on any story. I first started it summer before last. I got enough inspiration to get a good start on it, but then I hit a wall and it was abandoned and forgotten. It was only within the last few months that I finally got around to it again. I only just finished it last night. I couldn't post it then, because it was really late and I had to be up early this morning for work. But finally, here it is. I'll share my inspiration for this in my ending author's note. For now, just enjoy. DISCLAIMER: I do not own Frozen or any of its characters, nor do I own the lyrics**

* * *

"Your Majesty?"

The words jerked Elsa from her thoughts and she looked up to see her council members watching her. She felt someone gently squeeze her hand and turned her head to see Anna looking at her with concern.

"Elsa, you okay?" Anna asked.

Elsa smiled at her, and Anna took that as reassurance and released her hand, though she kept a close watch on her all the same.

"Forgive me, gentlemen, for my lapse of concentration," said Elsa, straightening up in her chair and looking at them full on. "I'm sure you know how it is when your work catches up with you."

"Quite understandable, Your Majesty," said Lord Forsberg, her minister of finance. "Shall we proceed?"

"Yes, where were we?" Elsa asked, shifting through a stack of papers in front of her.

"We were just about to discuss new trading opportunities," said Lord Johansson, her minister of trade and commerce.

"Very well, then, let us continue," said Elsa.

They made it through the trade negotiations and the finance issues that had arisen in the wake of Elsa's accidental winter. When it came time to discussing the actual events that had occurred during that accidental winter, Elsa froze.

Her thoughts suddenly went into overdrive. Memories flashed in front of her eyes, almost blinding in their intensity. She shut her eyes tight to block them out, but they kept begging for release. She started to hear voices, soft at first, but then growing louder and louder until they were echoing inside her head. She heard crackling and knew something was going wrong. She had to stop it before it got worse. She had to stop it before anyone got hurt. She had to—

"STOP!"

The last word was shouted, almost screamed. She was on her feet, with no memory of having stood up. She was tense and shaky at the same time. The flashbacks vanished, the voices went silent, but there was still crackling. Why was there still crackling? Her chest constricted; her breathing grew shallow. The walls were closing in, trapping her, trapping her like they did for more than a decade. She had to get out, had to escape.

Before she knew what she was doing, she bolted out the door, leaving behind nothing but a cloud of flurries and two icy handprints on the tabletop.

The ministers stared at the door for a moment before turning their attentions to Anna. Many wore startled, almost frightened expressions. Anna, who by now was used to Elsa's sudden emotional outbursts, tried to smooth the whole thing over, though she was just as startled as the ministers. Trying to maintain a calm demeanor, she stood up to address them.

"I apologize for the interruption, gentlemen, but I would like to request a brief recess to speak with my sister," she said, surprising even herself by her sudden professionalism. "I will return in a few moments." And without offering anything in way of an explanation, she hurried out the door after her sister, leaving the ministers behind looking very confused.

It was easy to locate Elsa, as she had left a trail of ice in her wake upon leaving the council chambers. She followed the trail of slowly melting ice until she came to a halt in front of the doors to the library, Elsa's favorite haunt in the years since their parents had died. Not surprisingly, it appeared that Elsa had frozen the doors shut, barring access to anyone, including her sister. But Anna was not deterred that easily.

"Elsa?" she called through the door. She tried the handle. It moved easily, but when she tried to push one of the doors open, it wouldn't budge. She hadn't frozen the locks, just the doors. "Elsa, I know you're in there. The doors are frozen shut and there's a trail of ice between here and the council chambers. Can you please unfreeze the doors? We need to talk about what just happened."

"I can't," came a quiet, shaky voice from the other side of the doors.

"You can and you need to," said Anna, trying and failing again to push the doors open. "The ministers are all still sitting in the council chambers wondering where you went and what's going on. You need to come back and give them some sort of explanation." Silence. She pressed her ear to one of the doors in case she missed something, but there was nothing. "Elsa, this has gone on for long enough. Please unfreeze the doors. I love you so much."

The effect of this simple sentence was instantaneous. There was a faint rushing sound as of a light wind and the ice receded enough for Anna to finally push open one of the doors. When she entered the room, she found Elsa pacing back and forth, wringing her hands. There was no ice visible anywhere, but there was still a flurry of snow surrounding her. Anna approached her cautiously.

"Elsa?" she said, reaching out a hand to touch her sister's shoulder. Elsa flinched a little, but didn't pull away. "What's wrong? Can you tell me what happened in there?"

Elsa was quiet for a moment, then she said, "I can't do it."

"You can't do what?" Anna asked.

Elsa was silent again, then, "I can't talk about it."

Anna didn't have to ask what "it" was. "Elsa, you have to talk about it eventually. If not today, then tomorrow, or the next day, or the next day after that." She paused. "You know, I was just thinking, under normal circumstances, you would tell me that it is the duty of the queen to take responsibility for her actions, whether big or small."

Elsa didn't say anything after that. There were a few moments of silence, then Anna sighed resignedly and spoke again. "Fine, I'll go talk to them. But you'll have to discuss it sometime. I'll go and see if I can come up with an excuse for your sudden un-queenly behavior." And she left the room, leaving Elsa to continue pacing.

The ministers were talking amongst themselves when Anna re-entered the council chambers but fell silent as she started to address them. "Gentlemen, I apologize for the inconvenience," she began, again surprising herself by her professional manner. "But my sister is no longer able to continue this discussion."

"Why is that, Your Highness, if I may be so bold?" asked Lord Halvorsen, the minister of agriculture.

Anna considered how best to phrase her next statement. "My sister is too distressed at this time and therefore in no fit state for any further discussion," she answered. It wasn't the complete truth, but Anna felt that it was all they needed to know. What Elsa was going through right now was a family matter, after all, and it was no one's business but theirs. "With any luck, she will be able to resume this discussion within the next few days. This meeting is adjourned."

Muttering to themselves, the ministers gathered their papers together and took their leave, each of them bowing their head as they passed Anna on their way out of the room. When the last one had disappeared down the hallway, Anna sighed and returned to the library where Elsa was. As she made her way down the hallway, she noticed that the ice trail had completely melted and when she arrived back in the library, she saw that Elsa was no longer pacing but sitting on the window seat looking down at the courtyard. All the ice had receded but there was still a small flurry of snow surrounding her.

"Elsa, we need to talk," said Anna, walking over to her. "Tell me what's going on."

"Am I a good person?" Elsa asked quietly, still staring out the window.

"What?" said Anna, not sure if she had heard her correctly.

"Am I a good person?" Elsa repeated.

"Elsa, why would you ask such a thing?" Anna asked, now starting to get a little worried.

Elsa didn't say anything at first. "Elsa, you're the best person I know," said Anna, sitting next to her on the window seat and taking her hands.

"Am I?" Elsa finally looked up at her. There were tears shining in her eyes. "I've asked myself that question for many years."

"You shouldn't doubt yourself," said Anna firmly, squeezing her sister's hands. "Don't you ever doubt yourself."

Silence fell between them again, but it wasn't the usual tense silence that filled their sisterly heart-to-hearts. Anna couldn't put a finger on it, but it was definitely different. Elsa seemed to be calming down. Her flurry was less intense, anyway. Anna waited for Elsa to say something, but after a few more moments of silence, spoke again.

"You know," she said thoughtfully. "I usually find that talking about what's bothering me helps me forget about it, makes me feel better."

More silence. Elsa continued to stare out the window. Anna was getting more and more frustrated with each minute that passed, but then Elsa finally spoke.

"Sometimes," she said, so quietly Anna almost couldn't hear her. "I feel so alone, even in a crowd of people. Because of what I can do. I'm the only one of my kind."

"You don't know that, Elsa," said Anna quietly. "Not for sure."

"You don't know that for sure, either," said Elsa, standing up and starting to pace again. "What if I _am_ the only one?"

Anna had a sudden inspiration. She got up from the window seat and went over to Elsa. "Elsa, I just thought of something!" she said, her voice growing excited. "You can't be the only one with this kind of magic. You were born with it, so that means someone must have given it to you through our family's bloodline."

"Don't you think I've checked, Anna?" said Elsa, turning to look at her. "I had more than a decade to do so. I did extensive research on our family tree, all the way back to when our family first came here, and nowhere does it say that any of our relatives – close, distant, or otherwise – had even a shred of the magic that I have."

"They could have been written out of the history books for some reason," said Anna, shrugging.

Elsa sighed. There was Anna, always the optimist, always trying to find the good in everything. "It doesn't matter," she said, sitting back down on the window seat. "Even if some distant relative did pass it down to me, they're long gone and therefore can't help me."

Anna tried a different tack. "We could go talk to—"

"Anna, no," said Elsa firmly.

"You don't even know what I'm going to say yet," said Anna in surprise.

"Yes, I do, actually," said Elsa heavily. "You're going to say 'the trolls', But I know what they're going to say. Grand Pabbie will give me a warning and then send us off with a cryptic message that we'll end up having to work out ourselves, anyway. It would be a pointless trip and a complete waste of time. Besides, I'm probably beyond help at this point."

"Don't say that," said Anna firmly, going over to her and taking her hands. "No one is beyond help, not even you. You—you just need a special kind of help, that's all." She smiled.

"What do you mean by a special kind of help, Anna?" Elsa asked.

"Just that you need extra love and attention," Anna answered, shrugging.

Elsa sighed. She almost wished Anna wasn't so attentive. She preferred to work things out on her own; she always had. But now that Anna was back in her life, she would never leave her on her own. Even if it meant countless hours of research, Anna would never leave her side.

"Let's forget about that for right now, okay?" said Anna, changing the subject. "Let's go back to what happened earlier, in the council chambers."

"Anna, I told you, I can't," said Elsa, said Elsa, breaking away from Anna and trying to put some distance between them.

"Elsa, you need to let these feelings out," said Anna gently, once again closing the distance between them and taking her sister's hands. "Remember? It's not good for you to keep them all locked up inside you."

There was silence as Elsa processed this. She had to admit that Anna was right. Hiding all her feelings inside herself had never worked. Hadn't thirteen years of locking herself in her room proved that? But it wasn't easy for her to share her emotions, either. Even though she wasn't able to hold them in all the time, at least she was usually alone where she couldn't hurt anyone when they burst out of her.

"Elsa?" Anna's voice brought her out of her thoughts. She looked around at Anna, who was smiling encouragingly. "There is no shame in what you are feeling. The fact that you can feel pain like this is your greatest strength. This pain is part of being human. Everyone feels lost and scared at some point in their lives, some more so than others. What is not okay is keeping those feelings all to yourself."

"Anna, you know that's easier said than done," said Elsa, once again breaking contact with Anna and starting to pace around the room again. Another flurry had started in her wake, showing her heightened emotions. "You've never had a problem sharing anything. You're like an open book, always wanting to share your thoughts. But I'm not like you. Not in that way, anyway."

"Well, you know me," said Anna, shrugging. "I can't keep a secret to save my life."

"It's not that you can't keep a secret," said Elsa, turning to face her again. "You just like to talk."

"Well, mostly, I do it just to fill the silence," said Anna. "Except on the rare occasions when I have absolutely nothing to say."

There was silence once more. Elsa had started pacing again, the swirl of flurries still following her.

"Elsa?" said Anna quietly. "Elsa, please talk to me." She went over to her sister and placed a hand on her shoulder, but Elsa flinched, causing Anna to draw back. "Talk to me," Anna repeated, almost whispering.

"There's nothing to talk about," Elsa said, just as quietly. "Not anymore." And before Anna could say another word, Elsa fled the library, her snow flurry following her, and leaving another ice trail in her wake.

* * *

Taking into account Elsa's extreme emotions from that morning, Anna kept a very close eye on her sister for the rest of the day. Although she detected no sudden outbursts of wintry weather, she did notice that Elsa was more subdued than usual. Normally, she wouldn't think this odd, as Elsa was a reserved person in general, but their dinner together was held in almost complete silence, instead of their usual sisterly chatter as they shared highlights of their day. When dinner was over, Elsa immediately excused herself to her study, leaving Anna alone and wondering what on earth she could possibly have done to receive this unusual treatment from her sister. Elsa had promised her right after the Great Thaw that she would never shut her out again, for any reason. But what was she doing now? Shutting her out. She stood up from the table. She needed to talk to someone, and if Elsa wouldn't listen to her, she would find someone who would. She decided to go out to the stables to find Kristoff. If anyone were to listen to her and give her sound advice, it was him.

She exited the castle through the main doors and made her way to the stables. The sun had already set, but it was still warm enough to be outside without needing a cloak. It wasn't hard to find Kristoff, as he was larger than most of the stable hands and still wearing his ice harvester gear. He had his back to her, brushing down Sven, but turned when he heard her footsteps on the straw-strewn floor. He smiled when he saw her.

"Hey. I thought I heard footsteps," he said. His smile faded when he saw the look of worry on her face. "Anna, what's wrong?"

"It's….Elsa," Anna answered.

"What about her?" Kristoff asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

"She won't talk to me," Anna answered. "She had another episode this morning."

She told Kristoff about Elsa running out of the council chambers and their conversation after. "It's not like her to be this distant. Well, it is and it isn't. I'm worried about her, Kristoff."

"Maybe she just needs some space, to be alone for a while," Kristoff suggested.

"I can't do that, Kristoff!" Anna protested. "If I leave her alone too long in a state like this, she might do something drastic!"

"Like what?" Kristoff asked patiently.

"That's just it, I don't know!" said Anna, her voice now rising.

"Anna, calm down," said Kristoff soothingly, placing his hands on her shoulders. "You don't know for sure that she'll do anything drastic."

"But I don't want to take the chance, Kristoff!" Anna said. "There's no telling what she'll do if I'm not there!"

"Anna, Elsa just seems like the type of person who prefers to work things out for herself," said Kristoff. "I think you should respect that."

Anna gaped at him. "Whose side are you on, Kristoff?" she demanded.

"I'm on no one's side," said Kristoff with a sigh. "I'm just trying to take a more objective view, that's all."

Anna huffed indignantly. "I don't know why I thought talking to you would make me feel better," she said. She started walking away, but Kristoff, knowing exactly where she was headed, grabbed her arm.

"Anna—" he started.

"No, Kristoff!" she said angrily, yanking her arm out of his grasp. "Elsa promised me that she would never shut me out again and she will not break that promise! Not today! Not EVER! I won't let her!" And with that, she ran out of the stables, back into the castle, and all the way up to the family's private wing, not stopping until she reached Elsa's study door. She raised her fist to knock, but almost immediately snatched it back. The door was freezing! Then she noticed that it was covered in a sheet of ice.

"Elsa?" Anna called through the door. No answer. "Elsa, I know you're in there, now let me in."

"Go away, Anna," came Elsa's constricted voice from the other side.

"No, Elsa," said Anna, starting to get angry. "That is not going to work on me anymore and you know it. Unfreeze this door right now."

Silence again. Anna was no starting to get frustrated. "Elsa, if you don't unfreeze this door right now, I will get one of the guards and have him break it down."

More silence. Then Anna realized that getting angry with Elsa probably wasn't helping the present situation. She decided to try a calmer, more gentle approach.

"Elsa, you promised you wouldn't do this anymore," said Anna, in a quieter, calmer voice. "You promised you wouldn't shut me out. For the rest of our lives, I'm going to make sure you keep that promise. Remember what you learned after I thawed after sacrificing myself for you? Our love is stronger than anything out there, including fear. I love you so much, Elsa, can't you see that?"

It was amazing how those three small words could have such an impact on a single person. The silence stretched on for another minute or two, then Anna heard a crackling sound as the ice on the door receded. She turned the handle and pushed, and the door swung open. She poked her head in and when she didn't see Elsa, moved in a little farther. Finally, she saw her sister, curled up in a corner with ice spikes surrounding her, like a cage. Anna gingerly made her way over to her, knelt down in front of her, and touched her arm, carefully avoiding the ice spikes. Elsa flinched again but this time, Anna didn't pull away.

"Elsa, we need to talk about what happened this morning, about why you ran out in the middle of the council meeting," said Anna.

"I can't," said Elsa, her voice barely audible.

"Elsa, it's time," said Anna gently. "Besides, prolonging the inevitable only deepens the wound. You'll feel much better once you get it all out. Although, it looks like you're feeling better already." Anna smiled.

Elsa looked down and was surprised to see that the ice spikes she had conjured in her worried state were starting to dissipate.

"Let's go to your room," said Anna. "Come on." She put an arm around Elsa and helped her stand up, ignoring the fact that she was colder than what was normal for her.

Anna helped Elsa out of her study and straight to her bedroom, where she lit a lamp before settling Elsa and herself on the bed.

"Okay, now talk," Anna said firmly. "What is going on with you?"

"Anna, I told you, I can't," said Elsa again.

"Elsa, it's time," said Anna gently. "I know you have a lot of hurt thoughts and emotions and stuff tangled up inside your heart, but silencing them doesn't make it better. Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it. You've got to let go, and feel the light." She then started to sing.

_Your heart is tangled up in silence_

_It's time to let go_

_And feel the light_

_I know it's easier to hide_

_But you gotta let go_

_And feel the light, let go and feel the light_

There was a silence, in which Elsa just stared off into space. Anna was starting to worry that maybe Elsa hadn't heard her, but then Elsa spoke, so quietly Anna almost couldn't hear her. "I was scared," she said. "I was so scared, Anna. Of everything."

"I know," said Anna, gently touching her arm. "I mean, I didn't know then, but I do now. And I also know that you had every right to be scared. Especially after what _he_ tried to do to you." It was a mark of their newly-restored bond that it was unnecessary for either of them to say the name aloud. Elsa hadn't told Anna, but Anna had found out later from the captain of the guard exactly what had happened down in the dungeon, and about the hand manacles.

"I was so scared that I lost you. Again," Elsa went on, tears starting to form in her eyes. "You have no idea what it's like to almost lose your sister, not once, but twice."

"Actually, I think I do," said Anna, taking one of Elsa's hands in hers. "I almost lost you during those long, lonely years of our separation, but then you came back to me at your coronation. I almost lost you when you disappeared up the north mountain, but still, I managed to find you. And I almost lost you a third time during your blizzard when I saw Hans about to strike you down. So, you see, Elsa, I know a lot more than you think. Granted, I may not be as intelligent as you in terms of book smarts, but I am very observant, so give me some credit." She laughed, trying to lighten the mood.

Elsa looked at her and gave her a small smile. "What would I do without you?" she asked, her voice almost breaking on the words.

"You'll always have me," said Anna, smiling at her.

"I wish I could believe that," said Elsa quietly. "I want to believe it, but, lately—"

"Then believe it," said Anna gently. "No one can tell you what to believe in, only you can. Only you know what's in your heart."

Elsa didn't say anything, and Anna squeezed her hand. "I'm not going anywhere," she said, smiling.

"I don't deserve to have a sister like you," said Elsa.

"You deserve that and so much more, Elsa," said Anna fervently. "Now, can we please talk about what happened during the council meeting this morning?"

Elsa sighed. _Might as well get it over with_, she thought. _Besides, Anna will keep bugging me until I do._ She took a deep breath and said, "They were pushing too hard. I—I couldn't handle it."

"Who were pushing too hard?" Anna asked encouragingly.

"The councilmen," Elsa answered. "They wouldn't stop. I—I had to get out of there. Before I—before something happened." She was quiet for a moment before she said, "They don't understand."

"Understand what?" Anna asked.

"Why I did what I did," Elsa answered.

"Of course they don't understand," said Anna. "No one understands better than the two of us. But that doesn't mean that you should punish them for it. Most importantly, you shouldn't punish yourself for it. You need to let go of the past, because all that matters now is the future. You need to learn to forgive yourself, and most especially, you need to learn to love yourself for who you are, not for who you wish you were."

There was silence while Elsa pondered this. Then she said, "You're right, Anna."

"Wait, what?" said Anna, startled by Elsa's sudden change in demeanor.

"You're right," Elsa repeated. "I should stop worrying about what happened in the past and start looking toward the future. I should stop worrying about what other people think of me and start focusing on those who matter most. But most importantly, I should stop worrying about how I feel about myself and start working towards becoming the best version of myself that I can possibly be."

Anna wrapped her arms around her big sister and gave her the tightest hug she had ever given her. "I'm so proud of you for saying that, Elsa," she said, her eyes sparkling with happy tears. She broke the hug and continued, "It's going to be a long journey, though, and far from easy, especially for you." Her eyes suddenly widened when she realized what she had just said. "I'm sorry, Elsa, I didn't mean it like that."

"I know," said Elsa, taking Anna's hand and smiling. "But once again, you're right. It will be hard. Will you help me?"

"If you want me to," said Anna.

"I can't do this without you, sis," said Elsa.

"Well, you have more than me now," said Anna, smiling back. "You also have Kristoff and Olaf and Sven, and Kai and Gerda. You have a big, loving family to help you through this. You don't have to do it alone."

"I know," said Elsa, smiling again. "And, Anna, thank you."

"For what?" Anna asked, surprised by the question.

"For believing in me," Elsa said.

"Elsa, you're my big sister," said Anna, also smiling. "I'll always believe in you, no matter what."

* * *

**This one-shot was inspired by the song "Feel the Light" by Christian artist Britt Nicole. The lyrics above are the chorus from the song. Go to YouTube and listen to it. If you listen closely, you'll know why I thought this song fits Elsa to a "T".**

**The underlined parts are quotes I borrowed from "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix", from the chapter "The Lost Prophecy". Both quotes are said by Dumbledore to Harry after the battle with the Death Eaters at the Ministry of Magic, to try to comfort Harry after Sirius is killed. I thought they were very fitting for Anna to say to Elsa.**

**And I think that's it. I hope you enjoyed!**

**Thank you for reading! Another story coming soon! :)**


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